Ten Steps to Greater Confidence

The good news is that Confidence is a skill that can be learnt. You might be thinking that there is no way that you can feel more confident, but you can with practice.

It might take a little time, but you can gradually extend your comfot zone and increase confidence over time as you develop an understanidng of how confidence works.

Here are ten steps that can be used to increase confidence in situations that are difficult.

1) What do we tell ourselves?
•    Whatever we tell ourselves, we then create this in the physical world
•    If we tell ourselves that we cannot, then we probably won’t
•    If we tell ourselves that we can, then we probably will
•    Don’t say I can’t
•    What are you communicating to yourself today?

2) Know that failure does not exist
•    There is only the result of an action
•    If we don’t like the result, change the action
•    Take a step in the right direction (Start with small steps)

3) Confidence Audit – where am I now?
•    Where do I want to be?
•    In which areas do I want to see improvement?
•    Even the smallest steps build confidence
•    I agree to form a contract with myself to take action, even a small step to make an improvement

4) Get energised!
•    What makes me feel good?
•    What in my life is draining?
•    Get in shape
•    Eat and drink healthily
•    Cut back on caffeine and alcohol, eat earlier
•    Get enough sleep
•    Use your body – get fit

5) Love yourself and build your confidence
•    What do others value in me?
•    What do I like about myself?
•    What am I naturally good at?
•    What have I achieved?
•    Can I achieve again in the future?

6) Visualise your future and be who you want to be
•    What is my vision for my future – what do I want it to be like?
•    What would have to be in place to achieve this?
•    What do success and happiness look like?
•    Boundaries are our own responsibility – no-one else’s
•    What are people saying / doing, or not saying / doing that make me feel bad or upset?
•    What needs to change?
•    Asking for help is a sign of confidence and strength
•    If you don’t ask, you don’t get

7) Lose the fear
•    What’s the worst that can happen?
•    It often helps to mentally confront situations even if they are most unlikely to happen (Try mentally rehearsing a situation for a positive outcome)
•    What actions can I take? What can I do to stop or ease the situation?
•    What can I do instead of worrying? Taking action will help
•    If you can’t take action, concentrate on today
•    Accept what you can’t change

Concentrate on building positive relationships
•    The energy we get from positive, inspiring people is infectious, but negative people will drain us
•    Who makes me feel good about myself?
•    Who drains me or makes me feel insecure, down, used?
•    Be a life enhancing person: be appreciative, show interest in others, listen to them and comment on what they’ve said, remember it for the future
•    Demonstrate and expect respect
•    Find assertive ways of dealing with moaners, crushers and critics.

9) Act till it’s different
•    Act as if you’re confident and even if you’re not, something changes
•    As you become more confident, people will react to you differently
•    Create a phrase that sums up how you want to be when you are fully confident
•    Your body language will give out signals to others
•    Choose a role model, someone who you admire
•    Be your own role model
•    Use positive visualisation

10) Maximise the now
•    See what you currently have and value that first, before looking at areas for improvement
•    Count your blessings – write down everything and everyone that is good and positive
•    What’s getting in the way of my happiness right now?
•    Behave towards others as you would want them to behave towards you
•    Look for the positive in them and tell them how you value them
•    If nothing can be done about a situation, accept what you can’t change

11) Change how you view what’s gone before
•    Feelings about ourselves, including our confidence, can often be traced back to our past
•    Confront the past. List things that were said to you/about you as a child
•    What experiences have contributed to your view of life?
•    Heal the past – see yourself as you were then and now as an adult – forgive yourself and acknowledge that you were only a child
•    Visualise in this way or write yourself a letter
•    Forgive other people where possible

12) Prepare for a new you
•    Negative thoughts don’t produce happiness or positive experiences, only positive ones do
•    Choose new beliefs. What would make your life better if you truly believed it?
•    Write down three beliefs that, if you held them, would make you feel more confident and powerful
•    How would you behave differently if you truly believed them?
•    What would you need to believe to approach life differently?
•    Change your self image – don’t think yourself down
•    List the negative things you say about yourself and then ban them
•    List good things to say about yourself. Repeat them over and over

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Dsicalimer: The content of this site is for suggestions only and is not a substitue for professional advice. Copyright (c) 2011 by Andy Douglas